How’s the new puppy? a friend asked the other day.
Oh he’s great! Such fun!
Bet the boys adore him!?
They are best friends already!
At this point I had to turn around and check that my pants weren’t actually, physically on fire.
Yes, he’s adorable and very sweet-natured. Yes, the kids refer to him as “Marlowe, my friend”.
But the truth is, puppies are hard work. Not colic-y newborn hard work, or newly-mobile toddler hard work.
But trying to temper all that boundless energy, coupled with his constant pursuit of all things toxic, ill-advised, and downright dangerous means that by the end of the day I’m exhausted.
So if I were to be honest about what it’s really like to have a puppy, this is what my day sounds like:
No, this is my bit of banana. You’ve had yours … Okay, okay, there’s no need to sing an operetta about it – here!
What’s that in your mouth? oh for goodness sake! Rocks/Playmobile people/Lego/wood chips/Gloves/Pens are not food!
(While out on a walk) What is he?
You mean other than crazy? He’s a lab. A 5 month old lab. So yeah: pure crazy.
Get off the table! People eat at the table. You are not people. Sorry. Don’t look at me like that
Has anyone seen the puppy? <small whine>
Oh no! he’s stuck behind the TV / in the pantry/ under the coffee table. AGAIN.
C’mon we discussed this: Be smarter than the yield sign.
Ok fine, I’ll go around.
No, don’t follow me!
What’s he doing?
I think it’s meant to be an impression of a dead bug.
Does this mean he’ll sleep past 5 a.m. tomorrow?
Unlikely, given that he’s never done it before.