How’s the new puppy? a friend asked the other day.
Oh he’s great! Such fun!
Bet the boys adore him!?
They are best friends already!
At this point I had to turn around and check that my pants weren’t actually, physically on fire.
Yes, he’s adorable and very sweet-natured. Yes, the kids refer to him as “Marlowe, my friend”.
But the truth is, puppies are hard work. Not colic-y newborn hard work, or newly-mobile toddler hard work. But trying to temper all that boundless energy, coupled with his constant pursuit of all things toxic, ill-advised, and downright dangerous means that by the end of the day I’m exhausted.
So if I were to be honest about what it’s really like to have a puppy, this is what my day sounds like:
No, this is my bit of banana. You’ve had yours … Okay, okay, there’s no need to sing an operetta about it – here!
What’s that in your mouth? oh for goodness sake! Rocks/Playmobile people/Lego/wood chips/Gloves/Pens are not food!
(While out on a walk) What is he?
You mean other than crazy? He’s a lab. A 5 month old lab. So yeah: pure crazy.
Get off the table! People eat at the table. You are not people. Sorry. Don’t look at me like that.
Has anyone seen the puppy?
oh no! he’s stuck behind the TV / in the pantry/ under the coffee table. AGAIN.
C’mon we discussed this: Be smarter than the yield sign. Ok fine, I’ll go around. No, don’t follow me!
What’s he doing?
I think it’s meant to be an impression of a dead bug.
Does this mean he’ll sleep past 5 a.m. tomorrow?
Unlikely, given that he’s never done it before.