10 ways you know you’re nailing this marriage thing?

1) Your spouse calls you by the wrong name on the phone. Rather than freaking out and hurling around accusations of infidelity, you both just laugh and adopt the new name as a nickname: Hi, call me Misty. 

2) Your dog sees more of your naked body than your spouse.

3) Your arguments consist of reminding the other person of the last time you had that argument.

4) When you finally get a date-night, you try to go as long as possible without talking about the kids. Your record is 22 minutes.

5) Casual conversations have been replaced with planning sessions for your kids’ extra-circular activities.

6) You’ve moved house five times in the last ten years. Despite the work and the mess, the frustrations and irritations, somehow you’ve never seriously considered divorce (apart from that one time which you’ve both agreed never to speak of again). You both think this is really what true love looks like.

7) Your most strenuous night-time activities involve moving furniture around in the house as quietly as possible so as not to wake the children.

8) You know each other’s bathroom schedules. You also know when your spouse is really finished in the bathroom and just playing on their phone so as to avoid having to resume watching the children.

9) On the rare occasions you go out to dinner with another couple, the highlight of the evening isn’t the social interaction but on the drive home when comparing notes with your spouse. “Thank G-d you don’t do what so-and-so does!”

10) You freely admit that most the time, your spouse drives you absolutely stark staring batty. But even with their bizarre predilection for eating salami in bed, their inability to throw anything away, their irritating habit of buying way more books than anyone could possibly read in a lifetime, you still can’t imagine wanting to spend your life with anyone else.

My Petit Canard

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